As one adventure begins, a new adventure is about to begin

I’ve taken a lot of time to myself recently, trying to decide the best way to explain my decision and let my friends and family know how or why I came to the conclusion that this is what’s best for me. I have always been the one who encouraged loved ones to make changes when they are no longer happy, to take risks or make big changes, most consequences be damned, to make themselves happy. I’ve always been one to be supportive of the idea of never compromising or accepting less. In reaching my decision, part of my thinking was that actions do indeed speak louder than words and what kind of person would I be if I refused to do what I constantly encourage others to do. In this post I will do my best to explain why I recently made the decision to end my service as a Peace Corps volunteer a few months earlier than planned and move on to work in Cambodia.

My experiences as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mongolia for the past 22 months have been up and down, often riding different waves of success and failure, small and large. Like most young idealists who make the decision to join the Peace Corps and devote two years of their life to helping those less fortunate and gaining invaluable experience in development and (depending on your work assignment) education in the developing world. From the moment I first typed in the words ‘Peace Corps’ on Google, I found myself fascinated by the idea of leaving the U.S. and giving up two years of my life to make the world a better place in some poor, exotic, developing country. As I went through the months long application process during my senior year as an undergraduate, I found my dreams and ideas of what Peace Corps service would be like were becoming even more grandiose and exciting. I was a little unsure of what to think when I received my invitation to Mongolia but I was excited nonetheless. Over the months after receiving my invitation, leading up until graduation, I became increasingly stir crazy and ready to leave. I had my country and my assignment and I was determined that I would make the best of my given situation, I’d positively affect the lives of students and all who I came across in my assignment as a community youth development volunteer and life skills trainer.

Training was an interesting and eye opening experience and the excitement of being in Mongolia, living with an amazing host family in a small village, far outweighed the fear that came with so many unknowns. Upon finishing training and learning of my permanent site in the Kazakh region of Bayan Olgii, I was still excited and still idealistic, optimistic, ready to work hard and make big changes.

It didn’t take long before frustrations in dealing with a host agency that wasn’t sure what to do with me, an inability to get any projects started other than putting together some English classes, and the downs that come with the harsh, cold, and depressing Mongolian winter had me wondering if I had made the right decision. My first year was made even more difficult by the facts that I am no linguist and I had nobody in my office who spoke or understood five words in English. My frustrations weren’t helped by seeing my site mate Laura’s almost immediate success in her workplace and hearing about the successes of other PCV’s in similar fields as mine with different agencies throughout the country. I came close to giving up and found myself looking for work in other parts of the world, feeling I could put my skills and work ethic to better use in somewhere like Afghanistan or Iraq. Eventually as the summer of 2009 approached, I managed to make some new friends and connections and found some moderate success in expanding my lessons, preparing the first English Olympiad with Agii, and managed to break through language and cultural barriers with some of my coworkers, finally brainstorming different project ideas. Summer came and along with it, my trip to the U.S. and a lot of time spent in UB, enjoying the good life with other volunteers and good friends. While in the U.S., I had a good time but it didn’t take long before I was anxious to get back to Mongolia. Mongolia had become my home, even if only temporarily and I felt more comfortable in Mongolia than in the U.S. I’m sure it didn’t help that I was only in the U.S. for three weeks and spent a lot of time running around trying to see a lot of people but the feelings were not something I took lightly. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I became more optimistic about my second year, began thinking big again and finding my idealism again.

Then of course, the reality of work in Mongolia struck not too long after I returned to Olgii. Three weeks in the summer resulted in no work being done, as seemingly everything shuts down in the summer. I tried not to let that phase me and did my best to attend our group’s mid service training with a positive attitude. Positive encouragement from Hanna about my ability to do good things my second year was a big help, even with her being thousands of miles away in New York City. I found some new motivation and success in planning a project (the learning center) that I had wanted to begin from my first few weeks in Olgii. My work and the student council were very enthusiastic and open to the idea, offering suggestions and being very involved in the planning process. This kept me going and kept my hopes up about my ability to leave something good behind in Bayan Olgii, something that would positively affect the community, give children a great, new resource, and give the children’s center a better idea of the types of projects they could undertake to improve youth development and education in the community.

As many of you who have followed my blog regularly know, the waiting process on the grant funds was very long and frustrating and a project that was supposed to begin in early December before my trip, didn’t begin until late February, early March. Progress was quick at first and it surprised me, bringing me renewed motivation and determination once again. Despite some initial success and speedy progress with the project, I found myself becoming increasingly bitter and frustrated with the fact that I was the only one from my agency working on the project. One of my coworkers helped with the labor and some things here and there but after a while he was difficult to get a hold of and left for UB for other work. I appreciated his help very much but it was very frustrating trying to get a hold of him and meet with him. I don’t blame him because he has a newborn baby at home and a family but it's hard to stay motivated about working on a big project when those who are supposed to be working with you and supporting you don't show the same enthusiasm or work ethic. I appreciate everything he did for the project and to help me though. Nurbol, my good friend who has helped me out frequently in the past, helped whenever he could but he isn’t even an employee of the children’s center and was volunteering his time. These frustrations, on top of other personal, internal struggles I’ve been having, lead me to start wondering if I should look into other options. I was excited about the project but I began to wonder increasingly if it was becoming my project and not the community’s or children’s center’s project. In order for this project to be successful and truly sustainable, I needed to pass it on to the children’s center, the student council and the community.

From the time I returned to Mongolia from Thailand up until the past few weeks, I spent countless hours weighing my options, thinking things through, and trying to decide what is best for me in the short term, long term, personally, professionally, and in regards to my mental health. I spoke with my parents, my closest friends, Hanna, and my closest friends in Peace Corps and expressed my feelings, my doubts, my worries, my frustrations. My friends, family and loved ones were very supportive and understanding of course and I’ve received positive reactions and strong support from those who I’ve made aware of my decision. I notified Peace Corps of my decision to resign and I spoke with my work, Laura my site mate, and Nurbol, discussing our options as far as the continuation of the project after I leave. Laura will be taking over control of the remaining funds, as a Peace Corps volunteer has to be involved in that process for Peace Corps projects, but it will be my agencies’ responsibility to make sure the project is a success. If the project is going to fail, as so many similar projects in this country seem to do, all my staying will do is prevent the inevitable. If it’s going to succeed, my work, the student council, and the community need to make it succeed. I’ve done my best to help lay a foundation, however small it may be, and it’s now their job to see it either succeed or fail.

I am trying to leave the project as responsibly as possible, making sure that the children’s center, the student council and Laura have everything necessary to fix any problems that may arise. I’m leaving a guidebook and information on what I believe is the best way to utilize the new learning center and I’ve donated a number of resources from exercise equipment to art supplies, that I feel will best be used in the center. I really appreciate Laura’s willingness to help finish things up when I leave. I am hoping that she will have to do very little and that the children's center will take charge and make this project work, make it successful, but only time will tell.

There is a large part of me that feels some regret in that I’m leaving early and leaving the project unfinished but there is a larger part of me that says it’s time for me to move on with my life. I will still be in contact with friends, students and acquaintances from Olgii via email and Facebook and I am still interested in doing whatever I can from afar and helping in any way possible. I will be helping in grant writing and project preparation for some countryside water projects and will do whatever I can to help Agii with his dream of opening up a new private school in Olgii, so I don’t doubt that one day I will find myself here again.

My new adventure will bring me to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I will begin working as a teacher in mid April. Teaching is not something I want to do for a career but I like the idea of teaching on the side or part time while doing other work and I am not opposed to teaching in places like Cambodia, which is very much in need of teachers. I have gained some great teaching experience in Mongolia and I feel like I can be a great teacher and I have a lot of experience and knowledge to provide to students in Cambodia. Cambodia is a place that I have been interested in for years and this is a great opportunity to live there, get some new work experience, and explore the country and culture. While I’m there I plan on doing some volunteering and working with whichever organizations can use my help. Ideally I’d love to find some work more related to human rights, international relations, political science, etc. but I will do whatever I can to help and gain experience. It’s very convenient that Hanna is working and living there now and it will be really nice to be with her and do as much as we can for Cambodia together. Of course I will continue my blog and make new posts about my work, adventures and life in Cambodia and I will take plenty of pictures.

It’s impossible for me to summarize everything that I’ve experienced as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mongolia and everything that I’m thinking and feeling right now, especially in a blog post. In the not too distant future, when I've had more time to think about my experiences, I'd like to write them down in more detail and share them with friends and family. Also, I think at some point in the future, when I have a lot more experience in different fields, different countries, and I have more diverse, developed and mature insight, I’d like to possibly write some longer, more detailed and comprehensive essays or maybe even a book. Who knows? Time will tell where these new experiences and life take me. I'm open to trying new things in new places and I'm excited for what opportunities will arise.

Anyways, I feel like I’ll start going in circles if I continue with this post. I am finishing up some details on my project, getting ready to leave, and saying my goodbyes to everyone in Olgii this week. On Saturday I will fly to Ulaanbaatar, next week I’ll be doing all of the necessary out processing for Peace Corps and the following weekend, barring any problems, I will be flying to Cambodia. More to come. :)