Heading to Vietnam

As of today, I'm officially done with work in Cambodia and on 'vacation' until I return to the U.S. and (hopefully) find a job. Hanna and I are leaving by boat tomorrow for Vietnam, will spend a little over a week there, then head into Laos for a few days, then back to Cambodia for a few days before leaving for the U.S. of A.

I'll be taking a lot of pictures on this new adventure and will try to update the blog a few times and upload new pics when I can get to an internet cafe. Posts about the new adventure and part 2 of my last post, coming as soon as possible.

In Search of My Lost Idealism part 1

Over the past few months, as previously mentioned, I've felt my once strong idealism and optimism, dissipate and slowly, unfortunately transform into bitter cynicism and pessimism. It's taken me a while to recognize the negative effects that this has had on me, my interactions with others and my work ethic. The more I've realized how unhealthy my recent pessimistic attitude has become, the more I've tried to make small changes, talk to people, and read, in hopes of finding some sort of new inspiration or reclaiming my lost idealism. I feel as though I've made some small progress and it has certainly helped having people like Chris Turnbull-Grimes, my good friend who is serving as a Peace Corps volunteer in Kenya, and Travis Hellstrom, who is starting his third year in Peace Corps Mongolia, as a Peace Corps volunteer leader, to share my frustrations and thoughts with. Hanna understands where I'm coming from and I know that she shares a lot of similar feelings and frustrations and needless to say, we are both looking forward to doing some traveling in the next few weeks, enjoying life as tourists for a little bit, instead of as volunteers or teachers. I just finished reading a book by Tracy Kidder called "Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure The World', which came highly recommended from both Hanna and CTG. The book reminded me very much of "Three Cups of Tea", by Greg Mortensen, another book I read a while back, when I was still in training as a Peace Corps volunteer that inspired and motivated me. It's inspiring in so many ways to read about people like Greg Mortensen or Paul Farmer, who have done so much good in some of the most challenged places in the world but it can also be discouraging. It's hard not to look at the work of men like them and question your own actions, your own abilities, your own contributions. I do my best to not have many regrets but I sometimes wonder if I could have done more with my time in Mongolia, more with my time here in Cambodia, if I was just harder working, more patient, more motivated.

I try not to spend too much time dwelling on these thoughts because I know they will only discourage or depress me further. I do my best to focus on the present, the not too distant future, and the long term. I know now that a career in development and education is not something I'm interested in but I also know that I will continue to live a life of service, in one way or another. I know that even though I won't end up as a teacher or development worker, I am not opposed to the idea of volunteering my time, donating to charities and causes I feel strongly about, fund raising for important causes, and doing my best to contribute positively and responsibly, to whatever community I live in.

Today I spent some time talking to my friend Travis about the differences between people who try to make a difference and live a life of responsible service and those who just kinda go through the motions and seem to worry more about missing their favorite tv show or the latest iphone application, then doing anything to help their fellow human beings or contribute in any meaningful way to their community. Travis mentioned talking to people about the latest movie they saw (8-10 bucks for tickets, 6-7 bucks for popcorn, 3-4 bucks for a huge coke) and how uncomfortable and awkward most people get when seriously asked to donate money to a good cause, even if it's only five, ten of fifteen bucks. This of course sounded very familiar to me as I've spent the past month or so trying to raise funds to help my friend Agii's sister Aiman and their family, who are going through a medical crisis, one that could easily bankrupt a middle class American family, let alone a family living in western Mongolia. People are often quick to raise their hands or pledge support in helping out for a good cause but when it comes time to open their wallet or donate their time, it's proven again that talk is cheap. People seem to be much more inclined to donate money than time, which is ok I suppose, as long as the money goes to the right people/places/causes. Unfortunately, people are less likely to contribute money unless they know they will get a tax break or something else out of it. As Travis pointed out, 'that's not a gift, that's an exchange'.

I'm not accusing anyone in particular or pointing any fingers nor am I(in my opinion) being a hypocrite. I don't like admitting my own faults, my indifference and laziness at times, my hesitations but I do it, I try to do it as often as possible. I'm so far from a saint and I have made huge mistakes, hurt people, ignored problems pretending they aren't my own, and worried about things that many would call unimportant or trivial. As Hanna has said many times in the past "I am my biggest critic". Ok..getting off topic. More on this later possibly.

Living overseas, not necessarily in the worst conditions but certainly in less splendid conditions than I lived in the United States, has opened my eyes to the unnecessary excess of the American consumer culture and the misplaced or selfish priorities of people not just in the U.S.A., but all around the world. In some ways I understand it, I understand that (depending on what you believe I guess) we only have one life to live, we can't spend all our time helping others or forgoing things we enjoy or giving up our money to charity. It's perfectly normal to want to have things we enjoy. I'd be lying if I said that in the months leading up to my return to America, I've spent many hours daydreaming about all the foods I miss, what type of smart phone I might buy, what kind of car I want(if I ever get a job), among other things. I'm the first one to tell my friends and family that it's important to do what makes you happy, to take time to indulge and relax when stressed out, to pursue a career in something you will not enjoy, to not give up on long term goals and dreams. I firmly believe that in order to live a life as happy and stress free as possible, we have to occasionally indulge ourselves, eat things we like, partake in activities that we enjoy, relax, take vacations, call in to work occasionally because we just don't feel like going, etc.

But I also believe in personal responsibility, hard work, and giving some of your time (and occasionally, your hard earned money) to help those less fortunate than yourself.

I'm kinda losing my train of thought at the moment and I need to rest...so I'll just say 'to be continued' and follow this up soon with part 2. Disclaimer: I wrote this on the fly so forgive me if it's a little unorganized. And as I sign off, here's a couple of(in my opinion) very relevant quotes from "Mountains Beyond Mountains":

"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that's wrong with the world."

"The world is full of miserable places. One way of living comfortably is not to think about them or, when you do, to send money."

Update: Money En Route

Here's the latest on the small fund raising I've been doing to help out my friend Agii's sister Aiman, and their family...

As of today, we raised $1,030 dollars, which I just transferred to Travis Hellstrom. As soon as Travis is able to withdraw the funds, he should be able to start transferring them to Agii's bank account. Hopefully, this money will help out at least a bit, allowing Agii to not go bankrupt and/or sell everything in order to pay for his sister's medical care. I sent Agii an email a few days ago but haven't heard a response to I may try and call him soon. I heard through Scott Burt (my friend and former site mate), who is a Peace Corps volunteer in Olgii and works with Agii, that Aiman and their older sister had made it to Almaty, Kazakhstan, that she had to undergo a lot more evaluations, she will have the operation soon and that doctors seem optimistic. As soon as I hear back from either Scott or Agii, I'll post another update. I just wanted to give a huge THANK YOU to everyone that made a donation. Thank you to Jordan, Cathy, Eric and fam, Ryan, Sean, my mom, Nik, Andy and Debbie, Melissa, and my dad and stepmom. Also, a big thank you to Travis Hellstrom for being my 'man on the ground' in Mongolia, for being an awesome help and friend. Hope I didn't forget anyone! Thank you so much for your generosity and for recognizing that this is very important to me in so many ways.

When I get back to the U.S. in a few weeks, I'll see about possibly setting up something more official, depending on how everything goes. Again, thank you.

More updates and pictures to come as soon as possible!

Angkor Wat Photos and A Small Community Project in Mongolia

As promised, above are a few pics from Angkor Wat. Here is the link to my Facebook album with more pictures from Siem Reap and Angkor Wat:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2086780&id=72206395&l=4610d3b14e

I forgot to mention this and post the link in my last blog post but my friend Travis Hellstrom (Yes, THE Travis Hellstrom who is helping me donate money to Agii and Aiman) is looking for help on a project he's working on in Mongolia. Here's the email with a bit of information from Travis and the link to his site where you can learn more and help if you'd like. :)

"Hello my family and friends,

I want to share a project with all of you that I helped start which means a lot to me - one that I know will be a huge help to our small community here in Mongolia and change lives for years to come. It's a community fund for social businesses which helps people bring themselves out of poverty and improve their community from the grassroots. It's like Kiva.org without interest.

It works because people come together to share a little of what they have to help those who don't have much, and then that money is repaid and shared again and again. We have raised a lot, but still need about $1,000 more and I wanted to ask for your help. I understand it may be hard to give much - as a Peace Corps Volunteer I live on $140 a month and I know I wish I could give more - but if you can even give $5 it will make a huge difference. The beautiful thing is that donations will be used over and over for decades. And even if you can't give, if you could just share this with people you care about that would mean a lot to me.

Thank you all so much. I've never asked for money before and I'm not very good at it, but I've never believed in a project as much as I believe in this one. To learn more please visit www.advancehumanity.com/projects/socialbusiness and email me anytime at travishellstrom@gmail.com. Thank you for your consideration, I hope we can chat soon!

Thank you!
Travis"

http://www.advancehumanity.com/projects/socialbusiness

travishellstrom@gmail.com

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring...Banana Phone!

An update AND a great song from fantastic back in the day artist Raffi! If you've never listened to 'Bananaphone', you are missing out.



Where to begin..where to begin. I often find myself putting off my blog updates, procrastinating over and over until eventually I force myself to sit down and type up an update. It would probably make more sense for me to write snippets a few times a week, collect my thoughts, edit them, and then paste them to the blog, but that would be too easy.

A couple weeks ago, our friend Brian came to visit Cambodia after finishing his service as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mongolia. The first weekend he was in town, we took the five or six hour (I was passed out for most of it) bus ride down to Sihanoukville, a beautiful beach town and popular tourist destination, and spent a couple days enjoying the beach, a nice, cheap guesthouse, and some much needed time away from Phnom Penh. I'll get more into why time away from Phnom Penh has been much needed, a bit further down in the post. Anyways, it was a nice couple days away, the food was good, and spending some time near the coast is always nice. During the week we took Brian to some of our favorite restaurants, enjoyed a bit more beer and unhealthy food than usual, and spent a lot of time sitting in the apartment, doing nothing, because as Brian would say, "It's bloody hot." It HAS been pretty hot lately, even for Cambodia. April and May were supposed to be the hottest months and while they were pretty hot, the past few few weeks have had some days where the heat is almost unbearable. I've been in some hot weather (29 Palms, Iraq, Kuwait) but the heat and humidity here just suck all the life out of you some days. Taking a nap in the afternoon almost makes things worse as waking up becomes a sweaty, exhausted struggle.

The next weekend we spent two and a half days in Siem Reap, with the intention of taking Brian to see the beautiful temples of Angkor Wat and spending some relaxing time in Siem Reap, a much more relaxed, cool and fun town than Phnom Penh. Our plan was interrupted by a first night of drinking far too many delicious beverages at the Island Bar in one of Siem Reap's many night markets, preventing any of us from waking up at a reasonable hour on Saturday morning. Resigned to spending the day in town and putting off Angkor Wat until Sunday, we set about doing some shopping. We managed to pick up a few souvenirs, trinkets, gifts and what not and then found ourselves standing in front of a Mexican restaurant advertising (if I can recall this correctly) "the best Mexican food in Siem Reap" along with 50 cent draft beers, dollar margaritas and dollar tacos. Seven hours and 48 dollars later, we pretty much had to call it an early night. Fun and delicious? No doubt. Smart? Debatable.

Once again, our inability to resist cheap drinks had thwarted us. Needless to say, the next day we were struggling again. Hanna, having been to Angkor Wat twice, decided to stay back and Brian and I decided to grab a tuk tuk and take the short tour of the temples, so that he could at least see it and make it seem like his trip to Siem Reap was productive. ;) To me, Angkor Wat was just as impressive the second time and I was able to take some great pictures and see a few things that I didn't see the first time(I'll put some pics up in my next post!). We came back on the night bus with some type of 'sleeper' compartments instead of chairs, which was a bit more comfortable than the usual buses. The weekend in Siem Reap was great and I wish I was able to spend more time there. If you plan a trip to Cambodia or stop in on part of a bigger trip, you should spend more time in Siem Reap and not bother too much with Phnom Penh. Everything that is worth doing in Phnom Penh can be done in two or three days, if that.

Speaking of which, I'd just like to say that the novelty of living in Phnom Penh wore off a long time ago. I have found myself becoming increasingly cynical, angry, bitter and frustrated with the city, the people, all the things that are 'wrong' with the city and it's not exactly doing wonders for my over all disposition. Some of these frustrations find their roots in the details that I posted in my blog post "Cambodia, two months later" on June 27th. It gets old having to make comments or stare back at the countless men who leer disgustingly at my girlfriend as we walk or run anywhere around the city. Men here have absolutely no shame and it's not limited to one particular group, it's pretty much every single guy in the city, poor, rich, young, old, well dressed overachieving businessmen, teenagers dressed like Japanimation characters, skeezy, dirty tuk tuk and moto drivers, etc. Even lams (Buddhist monks) have no self control and will shamelessly oggle (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oggle)Hanna (or any girl wearing shorts, a skirt, a tank top, etc.) until I give them the trademark Matt Becker look of death. Shit, it doesn't even matter if they are wearing something remotely revealing or not, men will stare anyways, it's pretty disturbing. If it was just me that was bothered, I'm sure it might be partially chalked up to some type of insecurity but it really bothers Hanna and makes her uncomfortable.

I also find myself straining not to scream at every other tuk tuk driver or moto driver who thinks that either A) if I ignore their repeated calls, I must not be hearing them and they should yell louder or B) my response of a firm 'No' or 'No, thanks' means they should continue to ask me if I want a tuk tuk or moto, if I want to buy marijuana, cocaine, or heroin, or if I want to go get a 'massage'. Annoying and aggravating most of the time, also a bit creepy.

Both Hanna and I have had enough of Phnom Penh so we recently made the decision to quit our jobs early and do a bit of traveling, outside of Cambodia, before we head back to the United States of Awesomerica. The tentative plan is to head to Vietnam around the 17th of August and spend a week or more there, depending on how much money is being burned, then to head to Laos, spend a few days there, and then back down into Cambodia for a few days before flying back to freedom land. I'm very excited to see Vietnam and Laos. Hanna has been to Vietnam once before but never to Laos. It will be fun and interesting to visit two new countries before coming back home.

In other news, we've reached almost 800 dollars to donate to Agii and Aiman, which I'm very excited about. I'm hoping to reach a thousand before I transfer the money next week but we'll see. :)

I am currently reading "Mountains Beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure The World" by Tracy Kidder and just finished up the 2006 book "Losing Our Democracy: How Bush, The Far Right, and Big Business Are Betraying Americans For Power and Profit' by Mark Green. I'm still running in the mornings, six days a week, working out with dumbbells and doing a lot of calisthenics in my free time and trying to catch up on news and movies. I just started watching the miniseries "Generation Kill" about Marines in Iraq and it's pretty good so far. I read the book it's based on a couple months back and really enjoyed it. If you haven't checked out either, I highly recommend them.

Hopefully this blog post wasn't too all over the place. I'll put up some pics from Siem Reap and a link to another photo album asap. My new main picture is from the Bayon temple at Angkor Wat.

Donations for Agii and Aiman

Hey friends and family, faithful readers, etc.,

I'm writing another quick post, not to be a nag, but just to see if anyone is still interested in donating to help out my friend Agii, his sister Aiman, and their family. I am waiting on a couple transfers this week and will be transferring the money to Mongolia by no later than next week, hopefully. I want to do it all in one big transfer, to make sure we're paying the minimum in fees for the transfer/ATM withdrawal, etc. I'm waiting to hear back from Agii on the results of the procedure and I will send an update email, write a FB note and will update the blog as soon as I know more.

If you are still interested in donating, please let me know through a message on Facebook or an email (matthewbecker82@gmail.com).Every little bit helps and thank you very much to those who have donated already. We've raised a little over six hundred dollars so far and while in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem like much, every little bit we can get to help them out will make a difference. Unforeseen medical emergencies can bankrupt Americans very easily so I'm sure you can imagine what kind of stress and financial hardships this could bring to someone in Mongolia, with very limited access to affordable, quality medical care and significantly lower working wages. Thanks for your time.

New posts to come very soon, along with some new pictures!

Another Update, Email from Agii

I received an email from Agii today, updating me on what's going on with Aiman. I'll just past the email here, mind the mistakes, English is his fourth language ;)

Dear Matt,

First of all I'd like to thank for your kind feelings to my family and your effort trying to help me when I was in desperate situation. Your quick response made me and my family feel confident and think positively even the situation was not promising.

You know that I've been doing research for more than a month with a few results.
I contacted several hospitals and doctors in Korea, Thailand, India, Russia, Turkey, China, US and Kazakhstan.

Korea and Thailand gave positive responses but were too expensive for me to afford.
India is still being contacted but last decisions aren't made yet. If there is a better cance in India there is a possibility to fly from Almaty to India.

The only place which gave the most positive response is Kazakhstan and my sister is flying there next week.
Doctors also strongly recommend to do gamma radiation after the surgery and it is easy to go to Moscow from Almaty. ( there is a Gamma knife center in Moscow.)
Aiman and Marua ( my elder sister, a doctor who is taking care of Aiman ) is flying from UB to Kovd on the 17th and they will fly to Kazakhstan on the 21st of July.

Generally the surgery cost in Kazakhstan is estimated for about $10-12 thousand and gamma radiation in Moscow is about $10,000 not including travel expenses and accommodation.
But the doctors will tell if there is real need to go for gamma radiation or not after the surgery.

I am not flying to Kazakhstan myself ( I was going to go with Aiman in case I needed as a translator), but my elder sister speaks Russian, she graduated university in Kazakhstan and quite familiar with medical system there, also she definitely can take care of Aiman (girls) better than me.
Aiman's condition is getting worse and now she has difficulties in dressing herself. But her baby is in good condition.
I will inform you with the results of the surgery.


I strongly believe with all of your kind feelings and wishes my sister will be back to her routine life in a couple month.



Thank you and all the best.
Agii


I'm glad to hear Aiman will be on her way to get treatment but I still want to contribute as much money as we can to possibly help them with the costs of the operation, the gamma treatment if necessary or at the very least, to help with some living expenses after things are done. Thanks for reading.